I find myself awake at 3:00 this morning, and can’t seem to fall back asleep. Big day today. Isn’t everyday a big day lately? I’m growing and transitioning at an exciting rate. I’m nervous, anxious but am facing the unknown as best I can. Am hoping that I’m embracing it, am really trying to, really trying to enjoy the moments as they pass. I appreciate the fact that I’m awake at this time and am grateful to be truly present in this moment.
I recently visited Detroit, MI and while there I realized that I wasn’t present in most situations. That I lived in my own little protective bubble, my own world. I’d listen to others and be present, but I’d check out more often than I would check in. I fear many people do this, and it makes me nervous, for this is a bit disheartening. We struggle in this world, in this life. We struggle to find our true selves, to find where we belong; we seek happiness, we seek acceptance, we seek, we seek and we seek. Yet, if we are not fully present how can we find anything. For months, I’ve been repetitive in saying that we must accept the present moment for what it is. To truly be present. To truly love ourselves. And while I understood the surface meanings of the words I wrote, I didn’t fully understand them. I’m beginning to see the depths of these words, the different layers, and their importance. My question is, how do we get more people to think in this way?
I think of how much I’ve worked on my internal self, my external self, my entire being. And I know there are many who have not worked half, or even a quarter as hard as I. Which is fine, is completely normal. But my question, my goal, or my something is to think of a way to get them to pay attention, to realize the importance of working towards the self. Being the best person you can be, enjoying all that life has to offer in respect to Mother Earth. To change people’s mindset of only hippies loving nature, only tree huggers respecting our planet, only radicalists fighting for our rights.
I’ve begun the path of following my heart, finding my destiny, what I was put on this earth to do. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m more confident and sure of myself, and I continue to grow at ever increasing rates. Yet I hear rumors from my hometown. I find that people are close-minded, are wrapped up in their lives, in the latest gossip. Instead of asking me, they voice their ‘concerns‘ amongst each other, silently spreading rumors. I understand though, I understand how their minds work and I am not mad. I still love them, for I can see where they are coming from. And even though I realize this, my feelings are hurt. They are not hurt because of the untrue words that are being spoken, but for the mere fact that the words were spoken. How many other people are gossiped about. How many stories become far-fetched? How many ‘stories’ have I believed in the past? How many ‘stories’ have I passed, have I spread?
My wish is to change the opinions of others. Help them to find their selves internally. I understand the odds are against me, but I will not give up; I can not. For that is not me, not what I stand for. Not who I’ve worked to become, who I am actively working to become. I believe in humanity. I truly do, and no matter how hard the task ahead of me may be, I’m already committed and there is no going back. There isn’t enough time in our life, in this world to spend it being fake, to spend it worrying over the trivialities of others lives. The world we live in is far too magical, far too beautiful, far too inspiring to waste it away in judgment.
Live for your soul. Ask yourself questions. Question our world and the way it functions. Allow any subconscious thoughts that come your way to surface. Question. Question. Question.
I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone, and do something today that you wouldn’t normally allow yourself to do. Start up a conversation with a stranger, the guy standing behind you in whatever line you are in. Maybe sit down and write your true thoughts, with the knowledge that you can throw it away after without anyone else ever reading it. Walk outside with your shoes off, actually feeling the earth beneath your feet. Breathe in 10 deep breaths and breathe out 10 deep breaths. Or just simply do whatever comes to mind; it’s your life anyway.