Why not now?

As I posted in my last blog, I’ve recently move to Austin. I find that moving here has brought out a new Angelique. I am no longer in the comfort zone of my friends, my family and my job at Edie’s. I am having to learn to spread my wings among strangers. I have more time for myself than I’ve had in years. I am experiencing the town on my own and learning how to push myself to do things I’m not necessarily comfortable in. And through all of this I am pretty much the happiest I’ve been… EVER!

Austin is an amazing city, with so many unique aspects to it. Yet, I am realizing that Austin is not the only reason I am so happy. I am happy and content because I’m following my heart, listening to my inner voice. I am following my path, which is leading me to what I was born to do.

Yes, it is scary at times; but what’s life without a little spontaneity? For I can’t imagine not being here and am so grateful for it.

My challenge for you this evening is to take a few moments to think of what your inner desire is. What is your heart telling you to do? Are you living your life in accordance to this, or are you just pushing it aside? Thinking that someday I’ll run that marathon, someday I’ll start eating healthy, someday I’ll go visit my grandmother, someday I’ll move to a new state… Why not now? Why wait for tomorrow? Why go on living with the expectation that there is always tomorrow? Why not now?

beginning a new chapter

I haven’t blogged in about four months and have decided to come back to it.  My life has changed quite a bit since my last post.  I moved to Austin about a month ago. I’ve yet to find a job but am really enjoying the town!   I know this where I need to be at this moment. 

I’ll admit that I am nervous and it is hard to leave my life up to fate.  I worry constantly but I realize deep down that I have no need to.  I’ve been practicing yoga regularly and this has been my life saver.  It calms my nerves, helps me to think clearly and connects me with my inner self.

I’ve been thinking of  writing but haven’t done it.  I find that I frequently think of things but don’t act upon them.  Starting today, I’m going to blog more frequently.  For it helps me to focus.  To admit what I have and have not been doing.  It brings out my creative side and motivates me to dive further inside.

What have you been avoiding?  Think of something that you’ve would  like to do but you just haven’t.  Something that subconsciously crosses the back of your mind.  And I challenge you to actually try to do it. 

Until tomorrow 🙂

My first dedication!

I’m dedicating this post to three people who honestly deserve much more than a mere dedication.  I’m finding it difficult to articulate my gratitude towards them, for they are the reason I am where I am today.  When I was shy, timid and unsure of myself, they saw something in me that many overlooked.  They’ve always believed in me and saw the potential I didn’t even realize I held.  I met them a little over a year ago, and due to their continuous care and understanding have personally grown and developed more in this one year than I had in my entire life. These three amazing people are my two roommates: Emily Clause and Lauren Leblanc and one of their best friends, Simonne Angelle.  Each has played a different, yet significant role in my growth.  I’ve decided to summarize the effects that all three have played on my current path to self discovery!

I’d like to first begin with Emily.  Ahhhh, words can’t describe how grateful I am that Emily is a part of my life.  I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing her transition from an awkward, yet funny college freshmen to a confident and witty young lady!  She has worked so hard to be where she is today and I feel privileged to have shared this growth with her.  Though we are at different stages in our lives, we’ve had similar issues to work out and have therefore sort of grown together.  We’ve shared many a laugh over how ridiculous and/or dramatic we’ve been about different occurences in our lives.  Through knowing and living with Em,I’ve discovered that she is one of those rare people who tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear.  I’ll never forget our hour-long talk sessions on defining life and its purpose, our random car ride to Carencro one night- blaring music and dancing the entire trip there and back, or the times we’ve sat back and laughed together as Lauren “performs” for us! Emily is ambitious, determined, head strong,  confident, level-headed, honest and continously strives to be the-best-version-of-herself!

Lovely Lauren… I smile when I think of her.  She has always ultimately known and understood my needs. She is the person that I turn to when a life altering decision comes my way, at times she seems to  understand me better than even I understand me!  Lauren is so special and wise beyond her years; she holds a gift that most can only dream of.  People are drawn to her brightness, her zest for life, her love for humankind, her clever personality, her aire of confidence and assurance.  She is my rock.  Lauren has always and still continues to listen to my ramblings whether positive or negative, my achievements as well as my failures.  She not only knows when to listen to me but she knows when to give me my own time and space.  She has been my inspiration for the past year.  It is due to this inspiration that I’ve continued to push forward, even when I’ve felt like giving up. For all of this and much, much more I am forever grateful.

Simmonnnee! Gosh, my words are at a standstill.  Ok, well I’ll begin with the fact that she is my inspiration for this blog post!  Before reading any further go to my post titled, “A New Beginning” and click on ‘ 1 comment’ under that title…   The fact that she took time to leave such a comment warms my heart 🙂  I am honored to be a part of Simonne Angelle’s life! I have told Emily this on many occasions and actually told Simonne this the other night.  Yet,  I feel even more honored for the simple fact of how much she believes in me and in my future.  Over the past year, I’ve slowly but surely grown closer with Simonne and have learned a great deal from our friendship.  She is one of the most unselfish people I have ever met, she always wants to know what’s going on in my life, she is an extremely dedicated individual, she works harder than most people I know,  and is one of the most consistent people I’ve ever met.  If I had to choose one word to describe Simonne, I would choose “glow!”  Her entire being glows from this inside out and is something I’ve always admired.  Her happiness is contagious and I can’t help but LOVE her.

I haven’t the slightest doubt that Emily, Lauren, Simmone, and my own path were destined to cross.  Each has challenged me to think of my beliefs, my values, my positive qualities, my negative qualities, my aspirations and what it is I stand for.  We’ve all learned from eachother and is something in which we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.  I am confident that the friendship I hold with these three young women is the kind that will never change, regardless of the amount of time that passes.  I’ll be moving on in a few months and am constantly preparing for this journey.  Yes, I am anxious and I am apprehensive but I am also confident.  I am confident that they will be by myside until it is time for me to go.  I am confident that they will continue to push me to my limits.  I am confident that the future will be nothing short of amazing.  And the fact that I have this confidence is all due, in part, to them.

Since this post is different from my others, I am not offering a challenge.  I’m encouraging you to take a step back and think of the people who have positively impacted your life.  Rather than just acknowledging this, share your thoughts with them.  Let them know how much they mean to you.  I promise that you will feel rewarded in more ways than one 😉

P.S.  There are many more who have impacted and lead me to this current place in my life.  I have decided that I will randomly dedicate a post to someone who has brought me here. So, stay tuned!

commitments

I’m terrible with commitments.  I  just realized that the last time I posted something was November 24th and today is December 6th.  Quite some time has passed since then.  Yes, I have been very busy with school, work and life but one of the main reasons is the simple fact that I didn’t follow through with my previous post.  I committed to a 3 week mainly raw/healthy lifestyle and to blogging about it everyday.  After not following through with it, I went back to my original habit of avoidance.  I avoided coming here because I didn’t know what to say.  I don’t know what this says about me and I’m disappointed. I realize that I have no other choice than to take this experience and roll with it. I broke my commitment and can’t go back.

I believe that with an open mind, we can learn something from each experience we incur.  From breaking my commitment to you guys and to myself, I’ve learned that avoiding blogging about it was the silliest thing that I could have done.  I feel lighter now since I’m finally facing it and will hopefully not do this again.

My challenge  is to think of something that you’ve planned on doing, whether it be for personal growth,  family, work, or school related or anything really. But something  that you didn’t follow through with.  Relive those emotions and think of how it made you feel.  But also think of what you could or did learn from this experience.  Our lives are full of choices.  In choosing the better choice, we learn and grow from our faults and failures. This not only leads us to becoming a better-version-of-ourselves but also guides us on our journey to finding our life’s true passion and purpose!

a new beginning

I’ve attempted this before and was unsuccessful, but I feel as if I”m more ready now.  I have a greater understanding of  my actions and am better at controlling them.  I’m sure your wondering what it is I plan on doing exactly.  Well, first, I’ll give a slight background to those of you who don’t know me.  As of this month, I”ve been a vegetarian for two years.  I’ve recently begun incorporating raw foods into my diet and through this I have begun juicing fruits and vegetables on a regular basis.  Whenever I eat predominately raw, with out any processed foods, I feel amazing.  At times I feel a sense of euphoria.  It is in this time where my life seems clear and obstacles of the past seem almost irrelevant.  In one of my raw foods books, there is a 3 week program where you eat predominately raw foods, with a few cooked vegetables here and there.  I’ve decided that I am starting that three week program today!  But I do not see it as a program, rather as a lifestyle.  Yes, it will be hard to turn down the chips and salsa at La Fonda tomorrow night or the desserts at Thanksgiving on Thursday, but I feel as if I need to do this for myself. 

The next three weeks will be quite a journey for me.  I will blog everyday to fill you in on my thoughts and feelings.  I can’t even begin to imagine the growth that I will encounter.  For when I eat raw for even just two or three days, the thoughts I think arise to a deeper level than the day before.  The next three weeks will not only be a journey of the body but also of the spirit, the intellect, and emotion.

My challenge for you today is to think of something that you enjoy doing, that gives you a calming feeling but you just haven’t done it in a while.  Maybe it’s running, maybe it’s riding your bike, maybe it’s calling an old friend, maybe it’s even choosing healthier eating habits. Whatever your “something” is, take it and actually try to do it by the weeks end.  Once you actually go through with it, you’ll probably wonder why you’ve been putting it off for so long.

 

words

Writing amazes me;  it’s so intimate, so in the moment, so figurative.  I fear it at times and hesitate to give myself the time to write. Yet, when I do, it never ceases to amaze me.

I was just proofreading/editing a group paper for a class of mine.  As I was writing the introduction and conclusion, I did not allow myself to erase any words.  I just had to go with the first thoughts that came to mind and allow the rest of the paragraph to flow according to the previous thought.  As I was writing each sentence with out any erasing, I noticed how quickly my thoughts change.  If I would have allowed myself to change the words, the sentences would have been completely different. I believe that every word stems from some thought  you are having.  Every thought is subject to change, which means every word is as well.  Words and thoughts are subject to change because we have the power to control them.  For instance, if I would have brushed my teeth for a mere 5 seconds longer this morning I may have never written these exact words down.   The 5 second time delay would have brought different occurences along with it.  And with different occurences comes different thoughts, with different thoughts obviously comes different words.

Writing helps me to step back and think.  I feel at peace and at the same time allow myself to ponder upon the different complexities and trivialities of life.  I think of all the things I could write about and feel both  overwhelmed and exhilarated.  I’m excited to see where my writing will take me, for  it has already helped to release a few of the blocks that I unconsciously put up over the years. I’ve decided to challenge you in a different way today.  I’m challenging you to make a conscious effort to appreciate each moment in life.  To become more aware of your actions.   To control your actions and not to simply react to what is going on around you.  To realize how even a one second delay can completely change the way the rest of your day will unfold.  Hopefully, you will begin to control your life and choose the better choice when life throws a decision your way!

Balance

I feel completely at peace and content with my life today. I do not know where my life is heading but I find the unknown to be beautiful. Of course there are things that I want to work on, but this is what life is about. Life brings obstacles your way and it is how you handle them that makes all of the difference. For the first time, I feel that I am actually LIVING. I pretty much enjoy every moment of life. Or at least I try to. Through continuously and consciously trying to enjoy every aspect of life, I find that I enjoy the moments of life more and more.

I free wrote yesterday to get some anxiety or worry that I was feeling off of my chest. During that session I admitted the fact that I’ve been avoiding blogging. I’ve been trying to figure out why. Why do I avoid something that I enjoy so much? A theory that I’ve come up with, well, maybe theory is the wrong word. A realization that I’ve had is that I really need to work on keeping my life in balance. I find that I can be a bit extreme at times. By saying that I’m extreme, I mean that I find it easier to blog when I’m working on myself. It’s the times where I’m not hanging out with my friends as much and channeling the majority of my energy on reading self help books, painting, journaling, doing school work, etc.
Then there’s another extreme where I get wrapped up in my social life and basically hang out with friends, go to work, and go to class but I do the bare minimum in school and block out my creative side. I find when I balance myself and incorporate my creative, intellectual, and social side I am happier. I feel more confident in who I am and in turn, have a peaceful feeling inside.

I believe that my feeling of peace today is stemming from the fact that I’m getting better and better at this balancing thing! Yes, I do have a long way to go but I notice an improvement in myself. I’m proud to say that I can give myself a pat on the back 🙂 I’ve hung out with friends every night this week. Yet, today I’ve stopped myself, am getting my priorities in line, and will work on school work tonight.  I’ve had fun, but I realize to truly enjoy the times spent with friends I need to keep the rest of my life in order.

My challenge for you is to stop and think about where you are in your life. What priorities are you putting on hold? Where do you need to balance things out? Once you take note of this, work on it. It’s as simple as that.