My Delicate Self

I enjoy rainy days and star-filled nights. I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy discovering my true nature. I enjoy unraveling layers I’ve kept stuck together for far too long.

I cherish this precious time I’m living. I understand I will continuously experience transitions through my journey, but feel as if I’m going through something greater than this. I sense a metamorphisis of the self. From no longer holding myself back from the experiences of life, to looking the unknown dead in the eye. And smirking whilst doing so.

I feel more internally beautiful as each sunset bids the day goodbye, and as each sunrise welcomes the beginning of another. I attract fellow beings to my being. I grow more ‘uniquely me’ as each chirp is chirped, as each life is welcomed, as each spirit is bid adue.

Are you growing? Are you transitioning?

My family came to visit just last weekend. As I was happy to see them, I felt a sense of relief as I hugged them goodbye. I’m truly thankful for the time I’m spending in Austin. I’m living on my own, being my own person. Coming and going as I please, without worry over the thoughts of others. Am forgetting to allow trivialities to burden my soul. Complement others with out noticing their flaws. Am a calm soul.

Spending time with my family helped me to appreciate my precious time here. For it’s so fragile, so important. It’s imperative that I grow. For who and what I surround myself with greatly influences this growth, this self, this delicate self.

I feel a bit self absorbed when I write of myself in this way. Yet, as I write, I realize things, which unlocks locks I’ve kept locked away. I am one step closer to my true self, one step closer to fulfilling my lifes purpose, one step closer to fully feeling my soul, one step closer.

I prefer being one step closer over one back. Don’t you?

I

challenge

you

                      to look inside of yourself

Complement your being for all that you’ve achieved, for all the steps you’ve taken forward.

Dare to be different.

Dare to be you.

Lady Bird Lake

I’m sitting at Lady Bird Lake, listening to the sound of the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. I can hear the chirping of birds coming from somewhere close by. Out in front of me I see the sun, shining ever so brightly, slowly beginning its evening ritual of setting as it simultaneously glistens over the water.

How blessed am I to be able to have such an experience? Too many times I’ve taken this for granted and I don’t doubt there’ll be more to come. I’m appreciating it now, for that is all that matters. Being content with where I am.

My friend Daniella is on her way to join me. How blessed am I?

To have people who care, to be surrounded by love, to have the openness within me which allows me to appreciate the sheer beauty of our world.

Thank you God, thank you Yahweh, thank you Divine Spirit, thank you guided path. I feel completely content, am embracing the fact that I am meant to be here in Austin, TX at Lady Bird Lake at this very moment, and am honored. Honored to be the person I am. Honored to be given the gift of life. Simply Honored. 🙂

spreading my message

I’m not posting things as often as I’d like and I think I may have pin-pointed some of the reason.  I actually have quite a few blogs written that I haven’t posted, for I am not happy with them.  I’ve held certain things back from you guys and due to this I find that I hold myself back from truly writing what I wish.  I’m ready to write in a more creative way, to write on different things,to  allow you to get to know a different side of me. Since my move, I feel as if I’ve begun my journey.  I’ve struggled with going against what my heart is pulling me to do.  Mainly because it is not easy, it does not make any sense.  Yet, as I listen to my heart and allow it to guide me, I am noting positive transformations within myself.  

 I have a writing that I free wrote about my passion, what I see myself doing in the near future.  I’ve spent months attempting to hone my thoughts and they are finally here!  I shared it with a friend last week and since then I’ve been inspired to share it with a few others.  Something is telling me to post it as a blog.  After reading it,  you will know where my heart lies and will have a deeper understanding of my earlier writings.  From this point forward, I will strive to free write the rest of my blog posts.  To grow in confidence, to not think twice what others think of me, to allow myself to truly feel free in every possibly moment of my life.  And this is the perfect way for me to begin…  

“I wish to travel amongst different cultures. To promote peace. To help people find their inner passions and desires.
 
We were all born to fulfill a certain purpose. When we work in alignment with our purpose we begin to feel enlightened and find that we are happier. We have the ability to travel the world, experience different cultures and can be who we wish to be. 
As one of my favorite authors Matthew Kelly has quoted, “Energy is created by a sense of purpose and a lifestyle that integrates our legitimate needs, our deepest desires and our talents.” We are a people consumed with our day-to-day activities. Worrying over our next meal, what we are going to do that night, what we are going to wear. Think about these thoughts. They are so minute, so trivial. We have people starving in other parts of the world. We are using up our fossil fuels, wasting electricity. We have a problem and we go on living our lives as if there isn’t one. I am so saddened by this. We have the potential to change this. We have to put our minds, our hearts, our thoughts, our actions together. We can’t go on living like this. 

  

I first want to travel amongst different cultures and gain knowledge and experience the different lifestyles. I realize that there are problems in the U.S., but across all nations there is one thing that we share. We are all human beings. At our core we are all equal. I wish to acquaint myself with different cultures and gain hands on experience with their problems. Really get to know them, for I am confident that it will only heighten my level of motivation in bringing our world together.  

Once I travel through different countries, experiencing different cultures I plan on visiting the US. There has to be a huge change in the way we live our lives. If we can get enough people together, we can find solutions to our problems. I have complete faith in humanity. I understand that things will not change overnight, but baby steps is all that I care about. I’d like to see communities coming together. Growing their own gardens, striving to aim their meals on eating local produce, finding different ways of transportation. I’d like to find a way of actually getting people to care about our beautiful planet. To appreciate all that it is. Ahhh, I find myself overwhelmed, anxious. There are soo many things I don’t know. I have soo much research to do. But I can’t give up. Just reading new things a few minutes every day will greatly expand my knowledge. The main thing I must remember is to listen to my heart, feel it. When I allow myself to write and think things in this way I feel so motivated, so connected to life, to the divine spirit, to my path. I feel as if my time is coming soon. It’s been building but I’m about to explode and omgosh I’m soo ready for it to happen. I feel as if I can’t go on living my life of just hanging out. I’m not fulfilled, I’m not truly happy. Have I ever been? Looking back, no. My heart is aching to do something. I almost feel as if I can’t take it. But it’s this feeling that is pushing me to find my passion, for the moment that I realize that I am completely content and happy and fulfilled will be the most amazing feeling ever. And I will truly appreciate it. I am learning to be patient though, for this will not happen until I am ready. Until I accept the present moment for what it is.”  ~Angelique Watson, April 2010  

 

 

  

Breaking down your walls

beauty. What does it mean to you? I find myself struggling to feel beautiful. Am constantly reminding myself to note the beauty in the world around me. To enjoy the beautiful moments I experience in my day-to-day life. But what is beautiful to me may not be beautiful to you.I find that we, human beings, place unnecessary standards and judgements on beauty, on certain situations, on people, on emotions, on anything really. We tend to live our life according to the measures of society. But why?

I sometimes hesitate to write on certain topics because I’m afraid of what people will think of me. I’ll act in certain ways because I don’t want others to judge me. I’ll say certain things around certain people because I know that is what they want to hear. But at times my insides are screaming to say the opposite. To do the opposite. For that is not who I am and definitley not who I am meant to be. I find that these thoughts are mainly based in my subconscious. Before I began the inner journey of getting to know myself, I didn’t realize the insecurities that guided my actions.

If you haven’t realized my entire blog is based on finding/discovering your true self. On becoming the person you were born to become. On living out your passion and purpose in life. I am not an expert on this. I honestly do not know many of the answers. But one thing that sets me apart is that I am trying. I realize that I have many things to learn about life, about the world around me. I am constantly working on understanding myself, am working on not shying away from the unknown, and am striving to follow my heart. I am realizing that it is worse to ignore something than it is to actually face it. I am openly admitting my faults and my insecurities. I still worry what others think of me, have doubts in myself and am not always positive. Yet, I’ve found that through the process of facing my insecurities, they actually begin to lessen. Whenever I listen to my heart and base my actions on what I really wish to do, I find that I feel satisfied. I realize that I set my own limitations and the obstacles that I experience are all my own doing. If I don’t care for the way things are going in my life, I must be the one to change it.

My attempted point is to empower you to strive to be your own person. To continuously do things that make you uncomfortable. To face your biggest, deepest, darkest fears. And to actively work on not put anything off for a later time. For putting things off is merely the onset of procrastination. Embarking upon bad habitual practices will only slow the emergence of the beautiful being that is patiently awaiting to shine through.

I challenge you to think about your insecurities. In what ways do they control your life? What situations make you uncomfortable and how often do you avoid them? What type of people do you surround youreslf with? Do they challenge you to grow? Can you be your complete self around them? Just take some time to think. It doesn’t matter where you are, just as long as your are by yourself. In this way you will not allow anything or anyone else to influence your thoughts. Give yourself 30 seconds or give yourself 30 minutes, however much time you feel to be relevant!

Bolden Creek

I’m sitting outside of my favorite spot in Austin, Bolden Creek Cafè.  Journaling.  Appreciating nature.  Feeling the sun shining through the openings in the shade of the trees.  Listening to the chirping of birds and hearing the idle chatter of those sitting around me.  I have a peaceful feeling inside, for this is something that makes my heart smile.  Allowing myself to do and feel things as I wish.  My inner passions do not seem so silly nor do they feel so far away.  They feel possible, feel real, actually feel attainable.  I feel connected with my soul.  I am going to strive to constantly feel this way, to work on putting myself in situations where I naturally grow.  To consciously put forth this effort until I no longer have to work at encouraging this side of me to shine through.

I’ve thought of a few things during this sitting.  I’ve gone through changes lately; some great, some difficult.  I am starting to truly understand myself.  It has been a rather slow process, but I am opening up as I am ready.

I’m nervous, I’m anxious.  I’m bold, yet timid.  Where I lack confidence in some areas, I make up for it in others.

I’m beginning to allow myself to fully follow my path.  I was too scared and unsure before.  I’m allowing myself to come to peace with my past, with things that held me back from growing.  I’ve spent too much time dwelling on what I haven’t done or what I’ve missed out on.  Yet, as I dwell on the past, I continue to miss out on those same things in the present.  I am consciously focusing on exerting my energy towards things which make me happy ‘in the now.’

I’ve decided not to give you a challenge today, but rather an encouragement.  I encourage you to sit outside, under the shade of a tree.  Feel the wind blowing through your hair and over your skin.  Close your eyes and listen to the birds, to cars passing by or whatever is going on around you.  Just listen to the different things going on around you; those that you would normally take for granted.  And be. Simply be.  Appreciate all that you are and all that you are to become.   And all that I ask of you is to spread this new-found appreciation on to someone else!

Namaste.

Why not now?

As I posted in my last blog, I’ve recently move to Austin. I find that moving here has brought out a new Angelique. I am no longer in the comfort zone of my friends, my family and my job at Edie’s. I am having to learn to spread my wings among strangers. I have more time for myself than I’ve had in years. I am experiencing the town on my own and learning how to push myself to do things I’m not necessarily comfortable in. And through all of this I am pretty much the happiest I’ve been… EVER!

Austin is an amazing city, with so many unique aspects to it. Yet, I am realizing that Austin is not the only reason I am so happy. I am happy and content because I’m following my heart, listening to my inner voice. I am following my path, which is leading me to what I was born to do.

Yes, it is scary at times; but what’s life without a little spontaneity? For I can’t imagine not being here and am so grateful for it.

My challenge for you this evening is to take a few moments to think of what your inner desire is. What is your heart telling you to do? Are you living your life in accordance to this, or are you just pushing it aside? Thinking that someday I’ll run that marathon, someday I’ll start eating healthy, someday I’ll go visit my grandmother, someday I’ll move to a new state… Why not now? Why wait for tomorrow? Why go on living with the expectation that there is always tomorrow? Why not now?